Starring: May Kelly, Christine Ann Nyland, Gaston Alexander
Directed By: Jason Arber
Next up in today’s offering of “how can someone effectively wreck a child’s happy memories?”, we’ve got the latest from Director Jason Arber, who affectionately grabs hold of the shears and spins MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB into a slicer & dicer that will have you thinking twice about reading this tale to the kiddies before bedtime.
Starring the absolutely sparkling May Kelly as the lead journalist in a podcasting group whose specialty is true crime & its unsolved cases, and the subject matter as of late isn’t keeping their ratings afloat or their jobs secure. In turn, the group hears about the disappearances of people in a remote section of the woods (quite the road trip). When the group finally reaches their destination (which in turn has them lost), they decide to scope out a seemingly empty home, that is until they’re met by Mary (Nyland), the mother of the “little lamb” that she’s tried in vain to protect since his birth. Now her delicate little spawn has turned into a full-fledged, grunting, bloodthirsty killer who simply hasn’t a shred of remorse for anyone that crosses his path.
Soo, varying members of the podcast team are thrown into the meat grinder (with differing results of entertainment), and the remainder of the film acts as a cat & mouse chase of sorts. It’s scaled down to simplistic levels of attention: bad guy killing off innocents/mommy’s got to protect her offspring…and generally a boatload of strained screaming from Kelly (but she does it with conviction). The best way I could classify this one is to simply have over a bunch of pals, kill the lights, imbibe on your favorite beverages of choice, but more importantly, SHUT OFF YOUR BRAINS for 90 minutes or so. I mean that sincerely – don’t even try to make sense of this one or you’ll probably strain something in your skull.
Overall, MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB is going to be listed in people’s “guilty pleasures” for the haunt season – it’s available & streaming now so make sure to give it an eyeballing.
